I find myself feeling like I just free fell out of a plane and landed in a new land. Everything is new around me, my job, my thoughts, where I live, what I drive and what I am eating. All of these things are a direct reflection of my thoughts and being open to all that was coming to me for my highest good. Now what?
I am not the discerner of all things for my highest good. As I know so well, when I say that, I know that means bring on the good, the ugly and the not so comfortable at all. That IS ALL for my highest good. Just because something scares the crap out of me does not mean in the long run I am not going to look back and say …..mmmmm, Thank you God. That sucked but I get it.
Like a few years ago when I was laid off from my corporate job. I worked at the same company for 17 years after I finally got to a position that I loved and I learned to manage my team and adored each and every one of them like family. We reached a point of normal and it felt so good. The money was enough and I was able to teach yoga at the same time. I even opened a yoga studio while I had that job. I knew lay-offs were coming and discussed it with my then husband. No problem. I will teach at the yoga studio and all will be well. This will be the first time I do not work for a company in 25 years.
When the layoff came the world changed. It was scary. I no longer would be supporting myself and would have to rely on a man for support.
In yoga we learn to go with the flow. Love and be loved. In marriage we say, we can get through anything together. Well that only works when both people believe in the same thing.
I always say, don’t come to me and say you know what I have been through unless you have had your back against the wall and had to make tough decisions about life that will affect everything around you.
I choses yoga over my marriage. I did that. I saw what it did for me and I saw what it was doing for other people. And I knew this was my life purpose. If I gave that up, I would fail at my purpose. I had to make a choice, sell the studio and get a job or leave the marriage. That was the choice I was given.
I had to take a job anyways and I have never felt so out of place in my life. I felt like I was taking a giant step back in life and in my career. I am embarrassed to admit that I cried every single day. It was just so uncomfortable and the people around me I could not seem to connect with at all.
Maybe it was my age that I was scared to learn something new. As time went on, slowly I started to embrace the job still feeling very, very off my path in life. I just simply put one foot in front of the other for months and that led to more months. That is all. I barely smiled or laughed. Nothing and no one gave me courage, life lessons or wisdom. I got promoted to another job and had an opportunity to make more money. Now I was meeting new people that would share a little more and open up about life and connect. I felt like I was having a breakdown. My body was screaming to me that I am off path and need to correct. I did not know what to do.
So last January 2018 I started weight training with a personal trainer. Let me correct that, I signed up and then tried to cancel because I was too scared to go through with it but they would not cancel my membership, Thank God. I had to go. Max, my trainer, pushed me in ways I have never been pushed. I learned something that I did not know. When you feel like you have given all you can and you can’t go any further, guess what? You can. Sometimes you will shake uncontrollably, sometimes you don’t want to go and other days you are full of energy and want to push further, and sometimes your workout will push you so hard you will throw up. (Ok, that only happened once.) But do you hear the message? It is a metaphor for life. I hated it!! I did not want to go until
I looked in the mirror and saw something. My body was changing and I was in love with the feeling and what I was seeing. I had to create a new normal with my workouts because I did not want to lose that feeling. I never thought that would be me. I made that time for myself a priority. Yoga and strength training became my life love.
As I became stronger in my skin, I started to date again. I went on some awesome meet ups with some special guys. California Matt, Mesa Matt, Cocky Randy, Maui Chris and a few others. I was finally not in a place where I wanted to be in a relationship at all. What??? So awesome. I could enjoy someone’s company and not fall in love? Wait what??? This is all new…so new.
Then Sedona happened. A silly little date with someone who lived in Sedona. What could be better? We decided we would just meet and be friends because we were not making any real connections online dating. Then I would have a friend in Sedona, he said.
When I got to Sedona and Sedona Steve and I were talking about life, I learned he has moved and lived in many places in the world and traveled the rest. He is obsessed with Italy and wants to live there someday.
He asked me why I don’t live in Sedona. I said I am not sure. I knew a move was coming I just did not know where it was. I thought I was about to move to Costa Rica and teach yoga or something.
After a fun weekend, I went back home and back to work and just for fun I looked to see what jobs were in Sedona.
Side note: I started to manifest what I wanted in life and in my job and put on my vision board, the words, A Place I LOVE, referring to a place I love to live. I like to be very vague about things on my vision board because I find that sometimes the universe will surprise you and give you more than you ever dreamed. I talked to my therapist who has been helping me with my writing, about the fact that I wanted a job where I could see my car from the window, that I did not want to work in a huge call center where I had to walk a far way to my car. For some reason that was important to me.
Well a job came up in Sedona, I went for it and got it. I knew it was my job just like I knew I wanted to open a yoga studio. In a few weeks I was not only living in Sedona but teaching yoga there too. The vision of the studio where I work is to make Sedona the yoga mecca for visitors from all over the world. So I got the job I better than I ever dreamed of because I get to do what I do best, connecting to people and I get to teach yoga in a place that is on its way to becoming THE place for yoga.
So don’t tell me that the universe isn’t listening. If you believe in God, go ahead and call it that.
If you believe that GOD is one with you, then believe it. Whatever you choose to believe, I support you as long as you know in your heart fully that life is happening for you, not to you.
Notice, everything I wrote here are all the great things that happened. It is not all that pretty. You can be sure that when life starts to move into the new as you leave the past behind, your samskaras, your insecurities, your pain body, will arise. The most important thing is to be ready for it.
Pain will come when you least expect it. You will be challenged to find your place of grounding and you must keep a list of things you hold dear. A list of things you live life for. Go back to that list every day and make your decisions based on what you hold dear.
Discern what is uncomfortable with what is crazy. Hmm, I am not going to lie, I struggle with this one. I am not sure why I wrote it but it flowed out of my fingers so let’s go with it. A lot of people think I am crazy for a lot of the decisions I make. At the end of my days, I will look back and laugh because there is not one single decision that I regret. The only thing I may regret is not doing more crazy shit.
But if it is going to hurt you or someone else you probably should not do it.
Having said that, sometimes it hurts when we leave old relationships behind to move forward on to something or someone new. Leave lovingly and peacefully and put it and them in God’s hands.
Stay grounded- I keep saying that. But it is a big one. You have got to stay connected to who you are.
Insecurities will rise and you will start to question everything. Its ok, question away. Just watch where the answers are coming from. You? Or your friends? Are the answers coming from Fear?
Sedona Steve says Fear is a Liar. Yep I believe that. I say Fear is an apostrophe. Take a step back, ground in and do it. At least you can say you did.
At the end of our days, what do we have to show for our lives? The things we collected? The lives we touched? I would rather remember a feeling than a thing.
There are beautiful souls all over the world in fight or flight right now trying to find their new normal.
Without diving back into your past, think about the energetic lessons you have felt in life.
There are people in this world chasing a high. The newness of a relationship, that new car, marriage, more money, learning a new skill. There is something called being addicted to the new. We love new things. But what about the new normal? If we seek so much new than why do we want a new normal?
It is a place of grounding that we crave. We all have it. We all have a place in us that is filled with peace and all the answers we need. When life gets crazy we lose that connection and we start living from a place of ego and that’s ok. Yoga teaches us how to come back and reconnect. So instead of a new normal, let us embrace a world full of constant change.
So what am I manifesting next?
ZenLife Yoga is going to touch as many people as it can in the year 2019 in Queen Creek AND now in Sedona with our weekly classes, monthly workshops and retreats.
Thank you God for all of the souls we are touching every day.
Zenlife Yoga Teacher Training is going to KILL IT in 2019 and graduate AUMAZING yoga teachers into the world.
What are you manifesting??????